Why do I not enjoy anything anymore?
Ava Lawson 
Is it depression? Age? I’m 42.
I don’t enjoy modern TV anymore. Modern movies. I watch only TV from the 90s and earlier. Movies too.
Is this common?
| by Anonymous | reply 94 | March 19, 2022 6:44 AM |
Turning to popular culture for your cultural nourishment is bound to fail you.
| by Anonymous | reply 1 | December 29, 2021 8:12 PM |
Same.
Try the Dexter reboot and Mare of easttown if you didn't watch it, both are excellent.
Everything else is shit.
| by Anonymous | reply 2 | December 29, 2021 8:13 PM |
Are you still interested in sex?
| by Anonymous | reply 3 | December 29, 2021 8:14 PM |
It is totally common. I have the same thing and I am 55 (but look 105). Part of getting older. No way to fix it except to embrace it, as the alternative is.... not so hot.'
If you need a chat I will keep this in my watched threads. Hang in there, kid.
| by Anonymous | reply 4 | December 29, 2021 8:14 PM |
Mid-life crisis. You're the perfect age for it, happened to everyone I knew. Look into it. It's biological and I don't think there is much to do about it except wait it out. Boredom with everything in life, "blah" feeling about everything is the hallmark symptom. It MUST be biological but no one knows much about it. Usually starts up at the onset of middle age. It will dissipate and disappear in a couple of years. Hang in there. Maybe support groups still exist (I don't know)?
| by Anonymous | reply 5 | December 29, 2021 8:15 PM |
Well OP, I'm 38, and I pretty much think that everything made after about 1995 (music, film, literature, etc.) sucks ass...people -and culture - really are dumber these days...
| by Anonymous | reply 6 | December 29, 2021 8:15 PM |
[quote]sucks ass...people -and culture - really are dumber these days...
This is how I feel. Culture sucks. Art sucks. Theatre sucks. Entertainment sucks. Music is absolute garbage.
| by Anonymous | reply 8 | December 29, 2021 8:16 PM |
Find something else. I found true crime, news, politics, stuff like that.
| by Anonymous | reply 9 | December 29, 2021 8:18 PM |
Definitely common, but if you don’t fight it, life in general will pass you by, including technology, and you’ll become yet another bitter, complaining old twat that not even your family will want to have around. Make yourself do things you find uncomfortable, listen and watch and talk…
| by Anonymous | reply 10 | December 29, 2021 8:19 PM |
I don't know, OP... do you read much? It doesn't need to be anything deep. But you might develop new interests.
| by Anonymous | reply 11 | December 29, 2021 8:19 PM |
^R9 is correct, as far as I'm concerned: when you hit that "blah" wall in early middle age, one important thing to do is to deliberately, almost arbitrarily, try to find new things to do with your spare time. Volunteer for something, even if you do it in a kind of half-assed, "experimental" way, giving yourself permission to drop it quickly if you do don't like it. You might meet some new people, or develop new interests that push you in a new direction that will restore enthusiasm to your life. The mid-life thing is a real bitch, from my personal experience, and you should be prepared to fight it. I think that's all you can do. -R5.
| by Anonymous | reply 12 | December 29, 2021 8:23 PM |
Yes, I do read. I read a lot. I’ve cancelled cable and got rid of my TV about a year ago.
I agree. It must be a mid-life crisis. I’ll wait it out. It gets worse every year. 😞 I’ll hang in there.
| by Anonymous | reply 13 | December 29, 2021 8:23 PM |
It could be anhedonia.
I wouldn't worry about not liking contemporary entertainment. There's a reason why you see lots of old guys at Aerosmith concerts, etc. When music or art hits your brain at a certain age and it's the first thing you've ever been moved by, you want to stick with it. Yes, you can find more current things that move you, but it won't be the same.
As you get older, you don't have the time and energy to contemplate your style, music, etc.
| by Anonymous | reply 14 | December 29, 2021 8:25 PM |
^I found that REGULAR, daily exercise is very important to help deal with this. If nothing more, make yourself go out and walk for an hour a day. It helps you sleep, and improves your mental outlook dramatically. Just like I said above about volunteering, do it deliberately, MAKE yourself go do it even if you "don't feel like it." - R5.
| by Anonymous | reply 15 | December 29, 2021 8:27 PM |
The bottom is 48 according to global studies. The 40s are just to be survived. Expect no joy or inspiration. Just try to stick it out and save money. It gets better at 50 and peaks at 76. Weird but true.
| by Anonymous | reply 16 | December 29, 2021 8:27 PM |
OP, forgot to mention, I still consume tons of media, but most film I watch is from the 1930s-1980s, most literature I read is 1800s - 1940s (current non-fiction is probably better than ever, though), and I don't listen to much music made after Clear Channel became a prominent force (with rare exceptions for indie stuff). Storytelling was just better back in the day - subtlety and sophistication in the writing - and zero self-aware post-modern "irony" - man, stop me, or I'll write a goddamn dissertation. Point is, don't worry so much about current dreck - literally everything ever made is available to us, (and usually remastered!) at a moment's notice. Just go back and revel in all the classics.
| by Anonymous | reply 17 | December 29, 2021 8:35 PM |
A lifetime of tap water is catching up with you now. No more enjoyment, excitement and happiness in your life henceforth.
| by Anonymous | reply 18 | December 29, 2021 8:42 PM |
I am 48 and NOTHING gives me any joy. I've traveled (before the pandemic) all over and I actually feel guilty when I take in a beautiful sight like the Scottish Highlands or Paris and can't feel much or appreciate how fortunate I am to experience it. It has been a problem for a few years now. I hope it is just a midlife crisis thing as others said above because it is a shitty way to exist.
| by Anonymous | reply 19 | December 29, 2021 10:23 PM |
^The midlife crisis sometimes doesn't kick in until about age 45, the onset of it can vary a lot...I don't know how I got to be such an expert on this but I have a LOT of friends who are various numbers of years younger than I am, so I've seen it happening in a lot of guys over the past years.
| by Anonymous | reply 20 | December 29, 2021 10:25 PM |
gen x was the original prozac nation
you're just being a tragic cliche is all
Offsite Link| by Anonymous | reply 21 | December 29, 2021 10:26 PM |
Was coming in to say that exactly, R21. Yes, of course it's depression. Most people in their 40s are depressed and anxious right now. Who wouldn't be?
| by Anonymous | reply 22 | December 29, 2021 10:36 PM |
When I am down, I don’t have the concentration to follow the narrative of a long film as I would have earlier. I do sometimes watch something I enjoyed a decade or more before, like the original series of Arrested Development on Netflix. I’m doing ok and I’m healthy with a big public job, but privately I’m distracted and tend to just stay quiet, surf the web, maybe text with a small circle of close friends.
I hope I will find meaningful, interesting things to do in retirement, but I know that takes planning and we need to stay connected to the world, not isolated. It is not easy and I’m sorry to share that.
| by Anonymous | reply 23 | December 29, 2021 10:44 PM |
Fibromyalgia and Long Covid.
| by Anonymous | reply 24 | December 29, 2021 10:45 PM |
not this video specifically, but the internal family system or "parts therapy" the following exercise is based on... is what we go through with most of our clients we cannot invest the proper amount of time for therapy as a self help method and it's invaluable, and as stupid as it sounds, it does work.
of course, you should also consider professional services, there are even free options online - many under suicide hotlines but the majority are crisis chats open to anyone - available in a variety of formats from email to live chat to video chat to calls and visits -- which vary by nation and region, so look up those for your area... in some nations, this also includes peer volunteers that basically act like a friend - just to get you out of the house or have someone to talk about or spend time with. check your local/state/nation services for what's available, and the non profits too, many offer services that might be of help to you.
there's many commercial spa weekends and retreats as well.
Offsite Link| by Anonymous | reply 25 | December 29, 2021 10:53 PM |
another self help / parts therapy description/exercise/guide:
Offsite Link| by Anonymous | reply 26 | December 29, 2021 10:54 PM |
vid at R25 made me feel physically ill. i had to stop watching after the first 45 seconds.
| by Anonymous | reply 27 | December 29, 2021 11:14 PM |
Not helpful r25, r26. Lady problems, they’re in hysterics.
| by Anonymous | reply 28 | December 29, 2021 11:23 PM |
I read stuff like Film Comment and Sight & Sound and get great ideas for obscure new movies, often foreign. There's a huge library system in my city and they actually buy that stuff. Maybe the buyers read the same mags?
| by Anonymous | reply 29 | December 29, 2021 11:34 PM |
Its because now that you are older , you can finally see thru the BS out there and everything becomes boring. Persue your interests or buy a houseplant or dog, it helps to worry bout something other than yourself.
| by Anonymous | reply 30 | December 29, 2021 11:37 PM |
r27 r28
and yet you had nothing constructive to add as an alternative
something that perhaps worked for you
but instead pissed over what has helped other people
so, how pathetic is that?
| by Anonymous | reply 31 | December 29, 2021 11:44 PM |
Sharpen the interests you already have. Make yourself a specialist in the things you already like. Also, enjoy those moments when you ask someone to explain a TV show. Personally, I love being naïve, and asking people about Game of Thrones or Lizzo. “I honestly don’t know anything about it. Could you elaborate?”
| by Anonymous | reply 32 | December 29, 2021 11:52 PM |
R31 But, but, but . . . that video with the woman talking about different voices in dialogue in people's head made me sick. I was just saying how I felt. What is vomit-inducing to me may be helpful to others. Your post made me smile though.
| by Anonymous | reply 33 | December 30, 2021 12:00 AM |
[quote] Personally, I love being naïve, and asking people about Game of Thrones or Lizzo. “I honestly don’t know anything about it. Could you elaborate?”
This approach wouldn't work for everybody.
| by Anonymous | reply 34 | December 30, 2021 12:03 AM |
A sure fire way to accelerate aging is to fall out of touch with pop culture.
| by Anonymous | reply 35 | December 30, 2021 12:11 AM |
But pop culture decays the brain.
| by Anonymous | reply 36 | December 30, 2021 12:12 AM |
It is also a sign of old age, dear.
| by Anonymous | reply 37 | December 30, 2021 12:15 AM |
Pop culture doesn't rub-off on everybody. When we were young, my siblings and I would hop in the car and demand to listen to the current Top 40 station (often CKLW out of Detroit). But after listening to thousands of hours of pop music, my parents could never name any band or any song. How is that possible?
| by Anonymous | reply 38 | December 30, 2021 12:22 AM |
Same OP.
I'll be 42 next month. Nothing excites me. I used to devour novels. Loved good movies. Nights out with my friends. Finding a cool new band.
Now? I just work. Go for a run or long walk (which I do still get some sort of minor joy doing). Peruse DL. Still watch TV but I hardly follow whatever's happening.
Honestly, I don't know how I fill up the hours I'm not working. I don't feel depressed or down. I'm not angry or anything.
Just coasting.
| by Anonymous | reply 39 | December 30, 2021 1:30 AM |
[quote]I don’t enjoy modern TV anymore. Modern movies. I watch only TV from the 90s and earlier. Movies too.
You're just a DLer.
| by Anonymous | reply 40 | December 30, 2021 1:33 AM |
I'm going through a phase where I'm really not interested in music or art or movies or fiction. When I read, it's almost always nonfiction. This is an age of propaganda, artifice and delusion. want to know more about reality.
| by Anonymous | reply 42 | December 30, 2021 1:53 AM |
There's a lot to choose from now, and probably the shows or films that you're interested are either being rebooted or getting sequels after 30 years. It's a very bad time for everyone socially. We're in a worldwide pandemic which is showing no signs of ever ending and you have crazy people in the politics getting everyone into a frenzy. The best thing I would say is to get yourself off of things like social media (not DL, of course) and stop watching cable news. You'll be amazed by how much better you feel.
| by Anonymous | reply 43 | December 30, 2021 2:00 AM |
For me as a Gen-Xer, it's like I've been in denial about ageing until recently. Now I realize it's like I woke up one day and young people had taken over the world and I was indeed...not young anymore. I find a lot of things bore me or else the passion for them just vanished. I see the world through a different set of lenses for sure. Sometimes it's downright depressing. Other times, I'm cool with it.
| by Anonymous | reply 44 | December 30, 2021 2:00 AM |
The endless nostalgia loops are making me feel like I’m in “Groundhog Day”, and society is undeniably dumbing down and marred by nepotism. The only “high” culture left is science and technology, which is depressing. Maybe the Mayans were right and the world did end in 2012.
| by Anonymous | reply 45 | December 30, 2021 2:22 AM |
Excellent customer service is assuredly mostly gone, I remember going shopping with my mother and having salespeople actually care. The world now is all hurry sickness, the damn smartphone, and little time to breathe.
| by Anonymous | reply 46 | December 30, 2021 2:26 AM |
You all do realize that a whole lot of what you are describing is due to the pandemic, right? I don't know if you are in denial about the psychological effects this is having on you and practically everyone but almost everything you've all described, from lack of interest in new things and people in general to nostalgic yearning for comfortingly familiar things from when you were younger, are all signs of psychological stress brought on by the pandemic and all of its fallout. Just give yourself some time.
Yes, the 40s are a time of change but, right now, being in your 40s fucking sucks. Not only do you have to worry about your aging parents who the pandemic targets but you have to worry about all the crazy ass relatives your own age and all the younger family members who are acting irresponsibly or went full on QLoon. We're not quite old enough to be at a huge risk from Covid except that many of us probably do have some of those nebulous "underlying conditions" so we feel at risk all the time anyway. We aren't retired, so we still have to go out to work all the time. We're the age group taking care of everyone right now. Give yourselves a break. Enjoy your comforting rewatches and don't analyze yourselves into the nut house!
| by Anonymous | reply 47 | December 30, 2021 2:57 AM |
That’s true. I went to return something and the customer service girl, probably early 20s said “what do you want”. I didn’t respond or complain by that because I was afraid of being recorded. I left thinking “this is life now”.
| by Anonymous | reply 48 | December 30, 2021 3:04 AM |
I think we have become an anxious world. Smartphones have helped to create this. We want everything now, now, now. We're all distracted. We all want to be validated via likes and responses on social media. People seem to be more focused, entertained and engrossed by/with their phones than movies or plays. This is why I cannot go to movies or live plays anymore. So many people are on their phones instead of being focused on what is on the screen/stage. So disrespectful to the actors, playwrights, filmmakers, etc.
We're also affected by how movies are made and promoted. Movies seem to be made for the Chinese market. So forget adult stories. We need to make films with strict mass appeal. Thus, Marvel. No more The Bedroom Window. No more The Cider House Rules. No more A Simple Plan. I don't dislike Marvel but there are so many of those films. And Spider-Man's boffo box office means there will be more of them.
So many corporations take over other corporations. Disney has become a cash cow when it used to be a studio that was making quality animated and live-action films. Now it churns out horrible Star Wars movies and experiences at theme parks where you have to take out mortgages to afford them.
We've also lost some great artists and feel the effects of their deaths. Prince, George Michael, David Bowie, Aretha Franklin, Stephen Sondheim. People who made great art but also helped to drive pop culture in a positive way. Madonna has gone off the rails so can't count on her.
Reality TV and social media have resulted in a shift of promoting oneself via Instagram than their work. Madonna spends more time on social media taking pics of her mutilated face and ass than making records. Dionne Warwick has reinvented herself as the Queen of Twitter. Richard Marx and Barbra Streisand just bitch about Trump on Twitter all day (though one cannot blame them).
I agree about customer service. It's more shocking when you receive positive customer service. The dynamic has shifted from "the customer is always right" to "you should be grateful that you get to shop here."
| by Anonymous | reply 50 | December 30, 2021 3:06 AM |
I hear you, OP. I’ve gotten more like that. I’ve also been coming to terms with the fact that I’m not part of the youth movement anymore and the next generation is one that I don’t quite relate to.
I’m actually watching the NY philharmonic as we speak and I’ve never done that. I do think society and culture are just shit now, but then I think that’s what our parents said. Though, I do truly believe the golden era of this country is gone for good. Every taboo has been shattered. There is not a lot of ground breaking left to do.
| by Anonymous | reply 51 | December 30, 2021 3:10 AM |
[quote]The only “high” culture left is science and technology, which is depressing.
That is do very depressing.
| by Anonymous | reply 52 | December 30, 2021 3:17 AM |
I personally believe that people are really not happy anymore. Everybody seems so angry. I know part of that is because I live in a big city, but I don't remember it being to this degree. And this was before COVID, too.
There seems to be such ugliness in the air when I go out. COVID seems to have only magnified it.
| by Anonymous | reply 53 | December 30, 2021 3:23 AM |
Smartphones are the "boob tube" of this century.
| by Anonymous | reply 54 | December 30, 2021 3:30 AM |
Nothing modern appeals to me either. I watch old movies, listen to retro music. I hardly watch tv, any tv. So much is just junk. Worthless junk. It's depressing.
| by Anonymous | reply 55 | December 30, 2021 3:33 AM |
Well damn this thread is hitting hard. I’m 42 too. I know what you mean OP but weirdly I love TV. Can’t get into movies anymore (or podcasts) but there’s a lot of good TV out there. It’s one of the very few things that brings me joy.
But yeah - I feel like I’m just coasting too. Feeling irrelevant, don’t have the energy to meet new people or get excited. I feel like those days are behind me. It’s like a constant low grade depression. I’m not miserable - more just quietly existing. Not really sure what I’m waiting around for at this point - just dreading getting older and worried about my parents.
Glad to see it’s not just me. I really dreaded turning 40.
Oh well. Hugs.
| by Anonymous | reply 57 | December 30, 2021 3:46 AM |
I am mid 40s too and work from home half the week and the other half my commute is very short, so I just can't get into podcasts either. I feel like people who are into podcasts must be people who have very long commutes. Otherwise where does anyone find the time?
That said, there is a lot of very good television right now, but it is your choice whether you want to see it as an opiate for the masses or simply the way our culture tells stories, the way that people in caves used to do when gathered around the cave fires. There are some really good shows out right now, thought provoking and original and even occasionally subversive. But more and more I'm digging deep to find out what makes ME happy and satisfied with life and going after that. You should too, OP. We're not young anymore but we're not old either and still have a lot of living to do, hopefully.
| by Anonymous | reply 58 | December 30, 2021 4:05 AM |
[quote] Maybe support groups still exist (I don't know)?
There aren't anymore for being thrown out of an unauthorized Elvis fan club, so I doubt there would be for this.
| by Anonymous | reply 59 | December 30, 2021 4:06 AM |
Wow, I could've written R6's post. Everything took a real nosedive in 1995.
| by Anonymous | reply 60 | December 30, 2021 4:07 AM |
It really is R60. That’s the year Melrose Place went downhill too. After season three - 95-95.
| by Anonymous | reply 61 | December 30, 2021 4:16 AM |
R6 Maybe music and film but tv was at it’s best mid 2000’s and beyond.
| by Anonymous | reply 63 | December 30, 2021 4:21 AM |
My two shekels- as you get older life really does scale down from our fever of youth that causes those rapturous feelings. That ecstatic frisson becomes elusive. Books will not move you like they did in your 20s. Nor will music or film or art. When things felt like an utter revelation almost effortlessly.
You slowly start to realize that much of that passion and idealization is age-related in a way. Sad to say but true.
Given that, vigorous exercise helps. And there are still plenty of sublime moments to be had. Right when I think I’m totally dead on the inside, something will manifest itself that makes me come alive again and reignites that sublime fever.
I know everyone here hated it, but I was ravished by The Power of the Dog. So much so that I bought the book. I’m in it right now and it’s brilliant.
So yeah, keep curious, searching and making the effort. It may be harder to access but giving up is tantamount to self-annihilation.
| by Anonymous | reply 64 | December 30, 2021 5:19 AM |
Love your whole post, R64.
| by Anonymous | reply 65 | December 30, 2021 5:22 AM |
Customer service now is by and large run by young people with exactly that attitude. You're lucky to be here. it's self-indulgent. The kid the other day when I approached the counter actually said, "What's up"? Later I saw him on his phone. A simple request to add hot water to a lukewarm drink was ignored. It was like pulling teeth. There's a bad spirit in the air these days and it's not just the pandemic, it's narcissism times one hundred.
| by Anonymous | reply 66 | December 30, 2021 3:08 PM |
R66 In big cities, most of them are students who think the job is beneath them, and they feel the need to signal this to the customers.
| by Anonymous | reply 67 | December 30, 2021 6:03 PM |
The sighing, rolling of eyes, or annoyance of being pulled away from their phones when I come up to a cash register seems to be getting worse.
However, I blame this more on management than the young workers at the cash registers. A good manager would not allow staff to be on their phones in a frontline customer service job.
| by Anonymous | reply 68 | December 30, 2021 7:01 PM |
How would we know, OP? We're not the voices that live inside your brain.
| by Anonymous | reply 69 | December 30, 2021 7:03 PM |
I torture my friends, family, and coworkers by bringing everything back around to MTM. I have indirectly enhanced their lives by incessantly talking about Mary, Rhoda, and Phyllis. A few people watched the series, and are better for it. I need no acclaim, the fact that they are more culturally conscious is my only reward.
| by Anonymous | reply 70 | December 30, 2021 9:34 PM |
[quote][bold]That said, there is a lot of very good television right now[/bold], but it is your choice whether you want to see it as an opiate for the masses or simply the way our culture tells stories, the way that people in caves used to do when gathered around the cave fires. [bold]There are some really good shows out right now, thought provoking and original and even occasionally subversive.[/bold]
I'll bet all the muck you're referring to has guns and general violence. People seem to adore it now, more than ever.
| by Anonymous | reply 71 | December 30, 2021 9:41 PM |
No - I hate guns and still watch new TV all the time.
Succession, station 11, curb your enthusiasm, Pen15, Elite, I could keep listing - this really is a time of great TV.
But understand if you’re not interested. No judgment here.
| by Anonymous | reply 72 | December 30, 2021 10:08 PM |
I'm the person who wrote that and agree - not a fan of violence and guns.
| by Anonymous | reply 73 | December 30, 2021 11:13 PM |
Also 42 and struggling with some tough shit in my life which I won’t go into. Ever tried meditation? I swear, those 30-40 minutes are a high point of my day. It’s a sheer revelation that just by sitting and letting the mind settle, there’s already a peace and quiet bliss inside at the core of our being. It just gets covered over by the clouds of thinking and all the daily stresses we get embroiled in. The more I meditate though, the more that inner peace seems to spread out into the rest of my day. To say it’s saved my life probably isn’t an understatement. That and severely limiting my media exposure really helped me (and deleting social media). Exercise. Good diet—I learned to cook fucking great food and find a lot of joy in continually expanding my culinary repertoire. Also, finding some outlet for creativity, even if it’s just drawing crappy doodles or using an art app…I found all of that helpful. Because, yeah, life is tough. Sometimes we have to really work hard at just staying afloat and finding that spark of happiness that’s buried deep inside.
| by Anonymous | reply 74 | December 30, 2021 11:33 PM |
For all of you who say you no longer have joy, do you really think you would be feeling joy if you were young right now? Emotionally, with the pandemic, inflation, and social media, the present is not a good time to be young or old. Most people are depressed regardless of age.
| by Anonymous | reply 75 | December 30, 2021 11:41 PM |
That’s a good point R75
| by Anonymous | reply 76 | December 31, 2021 12:07 AM |
This is so true, R17:
[quote]Storytelling was just better back in the day - subtlety and sophistication in the writing - and zero self-aware post-modern "irony"
Give me a story that's fairly straightforward in the telling; no sass, no irony, and especially no agenda. And I'm not talking about a social-justice agenda; more like the thematic concepts that require every detective to be a dark, troubled anti-hero, for example. And comedy doesn't have to be arch or laden with self-conscious dialogue.
| by Anonymous | reply 77 | December 31, 2021 12:08 AM |
I'm going through the same issue OP. It is definitely covid-related for me, as up until that point things were going well emotionally. Please do hang in there OP. I think everyone is in the same boat, young or old.
A big problem for me has been social media. I'm an older millennial and I just cannot seem to get into any of it the way others do. And the more I observe it, the more frustrated I become with it as a disseminator of information. I don't know if anyone else has noticed this, but my friend and I were talking about how we can't stand social media due to how presentation is now so much more important than substance. Just the other day my boyfriend showed me some Tiktoc video which, in all fairness, contained some really interesting history and facts on under-sung heroes in WWI. However, the whole thing was wild and frantic cuts to different videos and pictures, underscored by an extremely loud pop music backtrack. Further, the guy was speaking so incredibly fast that I couldn't even really make out what the hell he was getting at. Despite the good intentions of it, it was a horribly delivery and totally didn't engage me properly. And like others have mentioned above, a lot of television and movies seem to do the same; a lot of splash without any real deft execution; House of Gucci struck me as more presentation over substance.
I also think that good literature, film and just plain facts also were something to be cherished in the old days, as we almost had to "stumble" across them. Nowadays, if you want a media recommendation, you can go online and get a long list(s) of books, films, whatever, but whether any of them will actually be something enjoyable is debatable. And I do believe that is a huge problem with our current technology and the means by which we spread information. There's just too fucking much of it. In my YouTube recommendations, I may get a couple good news sources amidst a long list of amateur videos on the same topic.
| by Anonymous | reply 78 | December 31, 2021 6:13 AM |
People got it right on this thread: it's both midlife crisis and the pandemic. The latter probably amplifies the former.
What you need to realize is that your forties are a transition period. The world seems small, life repetitive and boring. But you've gained knowledge, experience and wisdom, all of which should help you have a happier second half of your life. The fact that you're in the middle of the transition is painful, I'll get you that.
For me, I didn't try to fight it. I'm now 46 and it started when I was ~38. When tv shows started to all feel boring and the same, I stopped watching. When my job started to become less exciting and the politics of it became front and center, I decided it would be about the paycheck (for the most part). I'm also quite disillusioned about the whole long term relationship thing (I split with my ex of 20 years) and I think romantic love is overrated.
So the positives? I actually love that I know what I like and what I don't like. That I no longer give a damn about what others think about me. That I can smell BS miles away, that I can detect phonies the second they open their mouth. That I sometimes shut them up without feeling guilty. Separately, now that I'm single, I feel happier than ever because I truly appreciate the freedom I've recovered. Consequently I do want remain single for the rest of my life. I'm also no longer chasing dick, it must be a hormone thing, but it's such a relief honestly. Life feels more peaceful.
| by Anonymous | reply 79 | December 31, 2021 7:07 AM |
One more thing: As others have said, try to learn something new. This week help a lot. Maybe volunteer, or join some club, or learn a new skill. For me, I try to dive deep into a new subject for a month or two. I've gotten serious in woodworking, robotics, and math. Other people get into exercise. You need to find what you like. You just need to try things and be ready to give up quickly if you don't like it. That's the beauty of your forties: you shouldn't give a damn what people think. You be you.
| by Anonymous | reply 80 | December 31, 2021 7:13 AM |
Get ECT if nothing else helps. I don’t do complaints or sympathy.
| by Anonymous | reply 81 | December 31, 2021 7:14 AM |
Anhedonia, a sure sign of clinical depression. Seek psychiatric help - it CAN be treated and managed
Offsite Link| by Anonymous | reply 82 | December 31, 2021 7:30 AM |
Love what you wrote R79.
I’m also becoming more and more convinced that I’m single at heart and value my freedom and independence. The thought of a relationship just fills me with dread at this point. I see how my friends in relationships are unhappy and angry. Also, I feel like I’m stuck in my ways and so are other men my age. It would take a really special connection with someone to make me want to give up the single life.
What did you realize after the 20 year relationship?
| by Anonymous | reply 83 | December 31, 2021 3:17 PM |
R64 You big ol Mary, that was a great post!
| by Anonymous | reply 84 | December 31, 2021 3:19 PM |
R83, it's incredible how much I had initially idealized relationships when I was younger. I couldn't imagine growing old alone and I had to be in a relationship... What a fool I was.
What I learned from my 20 year relationship is that the freedom of being single far outweighs the benefits you get from a relationship. Getting into a relationship is losing a certain freedom in exchange for certain benefits (the magic of love at the beginning, keeping each other warm for most after the magic wears off). My main conclusion is that, to me, it's not worth it.
I think that magic of the beginning inevitably wears off, so there's no good long term outcome. Sure, you get someone next to you when you're sick. But at what price? You have to be with that person all the time. If your centers of interest or philosophy of life are not aligned, then it's constant compromises.
At the end of the day, I realized that my personal freedom is one of the most important things in life, and one of the most underrated, and as soon as you get into a relationship, you give up on it.
Now that I'm single again, I can't imagine wanting to be in a relationship again. No thank you. I value my independence and freedom far more.
My personal theory is that long term relationships, and particularly closed ones, are a social construct that doesn't work for me, and I suspect, most gay men in general. In straight couples it makes sense because they procreate and need that long term stability. For gays, it's unnecessary shackles.
I think it's ironic that we spent decades fighting for marriage equality (I was one of them).
What about you, r83, what did you learn?
| by Anonymous | reply 85 | January 1, 2022 1:22 AM |
I just value my freedom so much that the idea of being stuck with one person (exactly like you said) makes me feel trapped. I imagine the only benefit is when you’re sick or really infirmed and need another person there.
Maybe this is idealistic, but I think if you can find someone you really connect with and it’s like a best friend then maybe it would work? I’m also very introverted and really value quiet.
My parents have a pretty shitty relationship and can’t stand each other - so I’ve always associated marriage with being miserable and resentful. I agree that without kids, it doesn’t seem worth it.
Maybe some people in happy 20 year relationships can chime in lol? Give us an opposing argument?
| by Anonymous | reply 86 | January 1, 2022 1:47 AM |
I inevitably become a tiresome bore. Open a vein.
| by Anonymous | reply 87 | January 1, 2022 1:54 AM |
The war in Ukraine isn't helping
It just brings home that there are other troubled spots being ignored, people suffering and dying
| by Anonymous | reply 88 | March 18, 2022 12:03 PM |
For the first time in history, almost all of the history of recorded music, of film and books is available to us in just a few clicks…no wonder you don’t keep up with current stuff! It’s pure shit!
Right now I’m listening to a playlist of obscure dance band 78s from 1934 on YouTube. Incredible.
| by Anonymous | reply 89 | March 18, 2022 12:45 PM |
40s are when we finally give up on the dreams of that great career, family and love. Then our parents get old and die.
| by Anonymous | reply 90 | March 18, 2022 12:47 PM |
[quote] For the first time in history, almost all of the history of recorded music, of film and books is available to us in just a few clicks…
I'm listening to some fabulous obscure stuff by Czech composer Josef Suk (pronounced Sook) and this one—
Offsite Link| by Anonymous | reply 91 | March 18, 2022 1:18 PM |
R47 and everyone else: just wait a little while . Time passes more quickly. You’re aging parents will be dead. Your aunts and uncles too.
Your cousins — can barely remember them. You’ll wonder why you always hated family dinners, especially at dinner.
from my dead mom to me when I was annoyed/stressed /depressed or just fucking resented the obligation of an enforced family function :
« Anonymous (she did say my name, oh don’t be so worried about that, just try to enjoy that we are all here. We are all ALIVE
| by Anonymous | reply 92 | March 18, 2022 4:13 PM |
Maybe it's the anhedonia but I don't feel the WebMD article gives a lot of hope here if antidepressants don't work. Aren't ketamine shots prohibitively expensive?
What Causes It Anhedonia is closely linked to depression, but you don't have to be depressed or feel sad to have it. It also affects people with other mental illnesses, like schizophrenia and bipolar disorder. And it can show up in people with seemingly unrelated health concerns like Parkinson's disease, diabetes, coronary artery disease, and substance abuse issues.
Scientists think anhedonia may be tied to changes in brain activity. You might have a problem with the way your brain produces or responds to dopamine, a "feel-good" mood chemical. Some early research (on rats) suggests that the dopamine neurons in an area of the brain called the prefrontal cortex might be overactive in people with anhedonia. This somehow interferes with pathways that control how we seek out rewards and experience them.
How It's Treated Anhedonia can be tricky to treat. There’s no clear way to do it. The first step is generally to find any unknown cause, focus on treating that issue, and hope the anhedonia gets better as a result.
That's often true, especially when it comes to depression. People who take antidepressant medications (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors, or SSRIs) may find that anhedonia improves along with the rest of their depression symptoms, but that's not always the case. Sometimes these medications blunt emotions and make this problem worse.
Scientists are working on new treatments for people with anhedonia who don't get better with treatments like SSRIs and talk therapy. One that shows promise is ketamine, a medication best known for being a party drug that also has an antidepressant effect. More research is needed, but at least one study found that people with bipolar depression who had anhedonia got relief from this symptom within 40 minutes of a ketamine shot.
| by Anonymous | reply 94 | March 19, 2022 6:44 AM |
