What the fuck is wrong with Florida?
Ava Lawson 
Besides DeSantis, besides the bath salts, besides it being Scientology's home base...everything is so fucked up in Florida. Why is everyone there insane?
Look at these alligator attack stats by state:
Alabama: 5
Georgia: 9
South Carolina: 9
Louisiana: 2
Texas: 15
Florida: 351.
I did a swamp tour in New Orleans several years ago and the tour guide fed marshmallows to the alligators. He said they use marshmallows because the scent attracts them, but they melt immediately in the gators' digestive enzymes so the gators don't taste anything and are not triggered to attack—but that in Florida, tour guides often use meat even knowing that the taste of meat will turn on their hunting instinct and make them attack people. He said Louisiana has more alligators than Florida does, but that almost no one is ever killed by them in Louisiana because people in Louisiana aren't stupid, and people in Florida are killed regularly by gators because something is wrong with people in Florida.
What the fuck is it? Something in the water? An effect of the Bermuda triangle? Too much UV? A magnetic anomaly?
| by Anonymous | reply 76 | February 14, 2022 2:56 AM |
You basically have people moving there for one reason and one reason only - fewer taxes.
It usually turns out that people who move to a place simply because of that are fucking horrible morons.
| by Anonymous | reply 1 | May 20, 2021 11:30 AM |
Well FL has far more swampland, hence likely far more gators, than any of the other states and far more people than any of the other states except TX.
FL may be fucked up but gator attacks aren't the symptom I'd call out.
| by Anonymous | reply 2 | May 20, 2021 11:49 AM |
R2 No, Louisiana has more alligators than Florida does, and people have houses on stilts right in the swamps in Louisiana. It's not numbers or proximity.
| by Anonymous | reply 3 | May 20, 2021 11:51 AM |
In Florida you have scads of these alligator shows, both roadside and bigger, fancier outfits. Alligators are used in advertisements beckoning people to move to Florida all the time. They make them look cute in the adverts. Idiots from outside the south (mainly from the northeast) move to Florida believing alligators are not that big a deal. They stupidly think they can get close to them and take pictures, or even stupider get up close, turn their backs to them to take selfies. The assholes who run Florida will never admit the truth in their advertisements because they don't want to scare the old wealthy dumbasses away. Most people who move to Florida eventually figure out that tangling with a gator is not something you want to do. But sadly not everyone who moves to Florida is intelligent. And more often than not when an attack happens because someone thinks it's okay to get near one it's because they're liquored up.
| by Anonymous | reply 5 | May 20, 2021 11:58 AM |
[quote] —but that in Florida, tour guides often use meat even knowing that the taste of meat will turn on their hunting instinct and make them attack people.
Florida man! 🤷♂️🤷🤷♀️
| by Anonymous | reply 6 | May 20, 2021 12:03 PM |
according to this map FL has the largest alligator natural habitat, and it's not even close
Offsite Link| by Anonymous | reply 7 | May 20, 2021 12:07 PM |
Florida is an open portal to hell.
| by Anonymous | reply 8 | May 20, 2021 12:08 PM |
Florida attacks a lot of transients, not always the best people, because of the climate. A lot of the people are very weird, shady and many criminals. The rural areas have swamp hillbillies...and a lot of old conservative farts, too.
| by Anonymous | reply 9 | May 20, 2021 5:45 PM |
not to mention the fucking sink holes!
| by Anonymous | reply 10 | May 20, 2021 5:53 PM |
Any native floridian is taught from toddler hood to never approach a gator. We are also taught if you see one theres many more you dont see. If theres a retention pond or a ditch ,you can best believe theres a gator in it. We are also taught about moccasins and rattlers too . And rip tides. So 99% of the time when someone gets bitten or drowned .its some sunburnt yankee.
| by Anonymous | reply 11 | May 20, 2021 6:14 PM |
Florida *attracts...but attacts fits too..
| by Anonymous | reply 12 | May 20, 2021 7:25 PM |
There are many gators that live close to residential housing. Seems like every water area in a suburban tract will have gators.
There's just not the population density in southern Louisiana - nothing near to Florida's population.
| by Anonymous | reply 15 | May 20, 2021 7:32 PM |
The alligator attacks are just about the only thing going on in Florida that I heartily approve of. By all means, Floridians, please proceed to your nearest marsh. You'll be doing the universe a favor.
| by Anonymous | reply 16 | May 20, 2021 7:35 PM |
Florida, come on vacation; leave on probation.
| by Anonymous | reply 17 | May 20, 2021 7:42 PM |
Florida has more tourists than just about any state, a population much greater than other alligator states except Texas
| by Anonymous | reply 18 | May 21, 2021 12:40 AM |
The weather is also a factor in moving here.
| by Anonymous | reply 19 | May 21, 2021 12:43 AM |
Those alligators are out of control!
I think a judicious culling would be sensible.
| by Anonymous | reply 20 | May 21, 2021 12:50 AM |
It's a very transient population, always in flux. Lots of out-of-staters moving in, lots of very old people that die, tourists everywhere.
| by Anonymous | reply 21 | May 21, 2021 12:58 AM |
Red counties over 500k people in Florida
And they all grew a lot
Offsite Link| by Anonymous | reply 22 | February 12, 2022 8:20 PM |
[quote] Florida has more tourists than just about any state,
Probably true, but that doesn't completely explain it. SC only has 9 deaths a year and a lot if not most of our alligator population is along the coast which happens to also be major tourist destinations, Myrtle Beach, Charleston, Hilton Head, etc... And, as anyone who has ever been to Myrtle Beach can tell you we attract our fair share of trashy tourists from around the country. They don't call it the Dirty Myrtle for nothing. It is like when people go to Florida they think they are in another dimension where everything is the opposite of the real world. A land where a gator will walk up and give you a hug instead of ripping you to pieces and having a snack. I'm sure the majority of our 9 deaths are tourists or recent arrivals, but 351 just seems way too high for any state.
| by Anonymous | reply 24 | February 12, 2022 8:32 PM |
Florida is a Giant shithole.
| by Anonymous | reply 25 | February 12, 2022 9:42 PM |
As an example of Florida financial benefits, a Florida home established as homestead (primary residence) is protected from forced sale. In other words, a judgement against you can't take your house. So, some very wealthy can buy a huge house there for cash and shield that money.
| by Anonymous | reply 26 | February 12, 2022 10:00 PM |
Natural wonderland, human Pandæmonium.
| by Anonymous | reply 27 | February 12, 2022 10:37 PM |
Floridians are fat and slow moving. And delicious.
| by Anonymous | reply 28 | February 12, 2022 11:41 PM |
Those alligators are out of control!
I think a judicious culling would be sensible.
Yes.But what about the alligators?
| by Anonymous | reply 29 | February 12, 2022 11:50 PM |
R1) When I’m on the hunt for a new place to move, I always look for the place that has the highest taxes. I simply love giving all of my money to the government
| by Anonymous | reply 30 | February 13, 2022 12:04 AM |
I just love have great services, great schools, great public parks, great infrastructure, great public art, and a great social safety net for those most in need
| by Anonymous | reply 31 | February 13, 2022 12:22 AM |
Elle McPherson lives in Florida. She's a leathery alligator on two legs.
| by Anonymous | reply 32 | February 13, 2022 2:37 AM |
OP where did you read that 350 people have been killed by alligators in Florida? The Wikipedia page for alligator attacks has 1-3 people killed per year by alligators. They are dangerous animals for sure but your number sounds like a wild fabrication.
| by Anonymous | reply 33 | February 13, 2022 6:24 AM |
Are Floridians as a whole truly that bad? Or is there a regional aspect to it, i.e. the populace of parts of FL are unbearable but others are pleasant? I've never lived in FL but it is astonishing how frequently I hear negative things about it from people who've lived there.
| by Anonymous | reply 34 | February 13, 2022 6:41 AM |
R33 See this link, data from 2006.
Offsite Link| by Anonymous | reply 36 | February 13, 2022 10:40 AM |
Maybe it's not the type of animals in Florida that are dangerous. Maybe non-human animals who live there are just as deranged as their human counterparts.
Offsite Link| by Anonymous | reply 37 | February 13, 2022 10:43 AM |
I blame New York and Cuba!
| by Anonymous | reply 38 | February 13, 2022 11:02 AM |
Please continue to put Florida down. There are to many people moving here. I hate it.
Our house has doubled in value in the last three years. Nobody wants to sell their house and leave.
Everybody wants to move here. Dang it.
| by Anonymous | reply 39 | February 13, 2022 11:25 AM |
Oh, yeah, the future is Florida's.
Offsite Link| by Anonymous | reply 40 | February 13, 2022 11:30 AM |
Homes are in demand in Florida...just be sure to get that hurricane and flood insurance, and when you see an alligator on your back porch, be the unusual Floridian and suppress the urge not to photograph your toddler sitting on its back.
Offsite Link| by Anonymous | reply 41 | February 13, 2022 11:34 AM |
Leave them alone. Florida gators are doing God's work.
| by Anonymous | reply 42 | February 13, 2022 11:38 AM |
I've kept in touch with a fb who moved to Fla. Boy, is he dull. Nothing of interest to say. He likes to talk sex, so that keeps me marginally interested as sex used to be a big part of my life.
| by Anonymous | reply 43 | February 13, 2022 12:16 PM |
Nobody wants to live in high tax, cold weather cities.
| by Anonymous | reply 44 | February 13, 2022 12:22 PM |
The Florida Wildlife Commission says there were 91 alligator attacks in Florida between 1948-2017.
Offsite Link| by Anonymous | reply 45 | February 13, 2022 12:35 PM |
By the way, alligator attacks on humans are extremely rare in Florida. On reason you can walk right up to them in Shark Valley is that they have so many natural sources of food--from turtles and other animals--that they don't feel pressure to hunt outside of the water.
| by Anonymous | reply 46 | February 13, 2022 12:36 PM |
R45 The Florida Wildlife Commission is putting out false data to lure more unwitting tourists to their swampy state to sacrifice to their amohibious gods. We're onto them.
| by Anonymous | reply 47 | February 13, 2022 12:38 PM |
Here's where the museum got that 300 number from.
Considering how ubiquitous they are--like I am within a half a mile of several lakes where one or two live--9 bites per year in a state of 60 million people who love being in lakes is really not a lot.
Offsite Link| by Anonymous | reply 48 | February 13, 2022 12:42 PM |
(these are bites, not fatalities or full on attacks.)
| by Anonymous | reply 49 | February 13, 2022 12:44 PM |
There are a lot more alligator attacks there in the way there are more shootings in Chicago than in Paducah, Kentucky. There’s a much larger population of alligators in Florida than any other state.
| by Anonymous | reply 50 | February 13, 2022 12:47 PM |
Florida also has american crocodiles, and no other state has them. Some of these attacks might be from american crocodiles, not alligators.
| by Anonymous | reply 51 | February 13, 2022 12:57 PM |
R46 What other food sources do they have, apart from turtles?
| by Anonymous | reply 52 | February 13, 2022 12:57 PM |
I also did one of those stamp tours in Louisiana and the guide went on and on on about Florida. According to him (and I never fact checked so take with a grain of salt) feeding an alligator in the presence of a child is a felony in Louisiana is a felony, but perfectly legal in Florida.
Grandkids come to Florida, grandad takes out back to show them the alligator, uses a piece of raw chicken to lure the gator. Gator thinks big chicken is bringing me immobilized little chicken and walking little chicken. One day grandparents are taking a nap walking little chicken goes down to see the gator.
| by Anonymous | reply 53 | February 13, 2022 1:30 PM |
Those figures quoted by the OP are pure bullshit. Florida is a large state surrounded by bodies of water that are full of fish, turtles, snakes, wading birds and alligators. We also have American crocodiles.
First rule of moving to Florida is that you never enter any fresh water bodies of water, pond, lake or canal will have gators in it. Nature is to be respected.
| by Anonymous | reply 54 | February 13, 2022 1:50 PM |
It’s a fucking swamp surrounded by beaches. In the middle of that are millions of people and creatures that enjoy eating them.
| by Anonymous | reply 55 | February 13, 2022 1:50 PM |
florida is a rotten cesspool
| by Anonymous | reply 56 | February 13, 2022 1:53 PM |
I just came back from a week there. It’s not as much fun being there knowing DeSantis and Florida run the show. Also they pretend Covid doesn’t exist which is weird.
| by Anonymous | reply 57 | February 13, 2022 2:11 PM |
As a nature preserve, Florida is a treasure. Because of its insane population and the insane people it elects, its culture is that of Texas as modified by methamphetamine and other chemical drugs.
I would love to see the Everglades and the Key islands and other natural aspects, but I have zero interest in patronizing a hostile domestic territory—and I know locals will say "fine, then stay out!" and I am completely fine with that. I would welcome both Florida and Texas seceding from the United States, although I would mourn what the crackheads would do to remaining coral reefs and estuaries without federal supports.
| by Anonymous | reply 58 | February 13, 2022 2:18 PM |
I live in Ft Lauderdale in the winter. 100% of the people I know here are from somewhere else - NY, Boston, Atlanta, New Orleans, Toronto, Oregon.
| by Anonymous | reply 59 | February 13, 2022 2:40 PM |
I've taken to calling the place Floridia, it sounds more like the disease it actually is.
| by Anonymous | reply 60 | February 13, 2022 3:26 PM |
Could some helpful (heavy-lifting) Floridian DLer please chuck Kirstie Alley to a hungry alligator? TIA.
| by Anonymous | reply 61 | February 13, 2022 3:51 PM |
R61 I get the Floridia/Chlamydia association, but it's not really necessary since candida is a noxious infectious infectious fungus and clearly a cousin to Florida.
| by Anonymous | reply 62 | February 13, 2022 3:59 PM |
R57, you realize most of the country is living as if COVID doesn’t exist has been doing so since at least last summer?
| by Anonymous | reply 63 | February 13, 2022 6:23 PM |
[quote]What the fuck is wrong with Florida?
Too many fat, ugly, anti-everything-progressive Cubanos, and they breed like rabbits.
| by Anonymous | reply 64 | February 13, 2022 6:39 PM |
[quote] I also did one of those stamp tours in Louisiana and the guide went on and on on about Florida. According to him (and I never fact checked so take with a grain of salt) feeding an alligator in the presence of a child is a felony in Louisiana is a felony, but perfectly legal in Florida.
Elderlez, I usually like your posts, but I am surprised that you did not at least google this before typing.
Feeding alligators is ILLEGAL in Florida--and violators can be fined or be sent to jail.
| by Anonymous | reply 65 | February 13, 2022 7:24 PM |
Usually I do, but it wasn’t really something I cared about either way except as an amusing “things tour guides say on swamp tours in Louisiana” memory provoked by the topic. But yes upon googling now you are correct and feeding alligators is a misdemeanor in Florida. The tour guide also went on and on about how people In Maine don’t know how to cook lobster….
| by Anonymous | reply 66 | February 13, 2022 8:01 PM |
Even before the term MAGA became a thing, FL was creepy, meth-faced hillbilly heaven. My shady uncle & his trashy hillbilly wife (even by Ohio standards!) moved to FL in the late 70s to raise dogs for dog racing because it was illegal (or strongly discouraged) in other parts of the country. Particularly outside major cities - not even that far outside of the cities - FL is full of some scary, crazy shit. It's probably changed somewhat now that FL is a retirement haven & parts are gentrified due to military bases, but I think there is still a segment of the population that lives there because they can get away with shit that would get them arrested in other states.
| by Anonymous | reply 67 | February 13, 2022 8:33 PM |
Military bases don’t tend to gentrify areas
| by Anonymous | reply 68 | February 13, 2022 10:51 PM |
Well, typically that is true, but CENTCOM in Tampa, for example, does have a professional class employed by the base, not just enlisted personnel.
| by Anonymous | reply 69 | February 13, 2022 11:48 PM |
Sanibel island seems nice ( I've never been there but it looks nice).
| by Anonymous | reply 70 | February 14, 2022 2:34 AM |
The alligator population in Florida has gotten out of hand, they really need to reduce the population.
| by Anonymous | reply 71 | February 14, 2022 2:47 AM |
[quote] My shady uncle & his trashy hillbilly wife (even by Ohio standards!) moved to FL in the late 70s to raise dogs for dog racing because it was illegal (or strongly discouraged) in other parts of the country. Particularly outside major cities -
Dog racing is ILLEGAL in Florida. (We just voted by referendum a few years ago.)
For those of you from more civilized states, please keep in mind that Florida--as we know it today--is a very young state. Miami was mostly farmland--pineapple, citrus, etc--until WWII. And then it became a motel resort city in the 50s and 60s. We are a few hundred years behind other major metropolitan cities in America. Unlike other new-ish cities--Los Angeles, Las Vegas, etc--we never had a strong industry attracting people and propelling us forward until the real estate swindles and bubbles starting in 2000.
Also, our state legislature is only in session for less than 3 months per year, so they get very little done.
| by Anonymous | reply 72 | February 14, 2022 2:48 AM |
[quote] The alligator population in Florida has gotten out of hand, they really need to reduce the population.
They reduce the alligator population every year through regulated harvesting.
| by Anonymous | reply 73 | February 14, 2022 2:49 AM |
Florida is full of entitled cubans, white trash deplorables , ghetto people and moldie oldies. It is the melting pot of stupidity.
| by Anonymous | reply 74 | February 14, 2022 2:53 AM |
r73 I wasn't aware of that. Thanks.
| by Anonymous | reply 75 | February 14, 2022 2:54 AM |
