The Chemicalville Classics, C18-present: Elliot, Mason, Ryan, Christian, Nate, Skylar, Amber, Samson, Benji, Ty, Janey, Jessie, Zach, Dylan, Caleb, Leigh, Grace, Reagan, Monroe, Brandon, Justin, Seth, Carly, Tristan, Connor, Jord, Troy, Jay, Aaron, Katleen, Lauren, Brianna, Luke, Topher, Kevin, Mikayla, Jason, Seann, Carter, Hailey, Alyss (spelled like that, now), Michelle, Gabe, Ellis, Aidan, Paige, Peyton, Abigail, Bea, Bry, Ricki, Chase, Kyle, Hayden, Angel, Wyatt, Cody, Kaylee, Trinity, Carson, Bryce, Zoe, Jenny, Leah, Jimmy, Robbie, Mia, Stephanie, Jen, Martha, Liam, Amelia, Grafton, Grant, Reed, Josie, Dunbar, Chapman, Kane, Beck, Parson, Elijah, Elias, Lenny, Ava, Parrish, Ranson, Absolom, Owen, Elisha, Cap, Tuck, Sophie, Star, Harris, Spence, Valentine, Everett, Everly, Eugene, Cameron, Bethany, Wheeler, Bray, Kirk, Goodyear (seriously), Ira, Ellsworth, Powell, Rowan, Logan, Rain(elle), Elkin, Pleasant, Chauncey, Johnse, Addison, Davey, Gary, Elenore, Harper, Skip, Hiram, Visy, Harmony, Ethan, Millie, Emmy, Jacob, Noah, Ephraim, Emmanuel, Betty-Jo, Roselee, Mary-Ellen/Sue. These are all real names hick trash have taken to in those parts at one point in time or another.

Just, not Frank(lin) or Kent for a son. Never don’t nobody not never no how. Best not give any kids the names Ash, Allen, Louis/a, Lex, Scott, Cory, Corbin, Danny, Dawson, Drake, Doug, Earl, Eddy, Paris, Regis, Fulton, Liv, Devon, Thomas, Nick, Dixon, Cynthia, Ruth, Nancy, Bonnie, Josephine, Billy, Henderson, Holly, Maggie, Trina, Calvin, Floyd, Keene, Murray, Campbell, Lil, Bud, Lawrence, Kingsley, Russ, Roseanne, Sterling, Matt, Sally, Blackie, Sadie, Waylan, Woody, Hanson, Vance(!), Taylor, Clover, Clint, River, Smith, Shelby, Sandy, Preston, Trent, Tolbert, Blane, Willis, Gus, Flo, Ford, Mitch, Fannie or Randy either - for similar obvious reasons.

You’re taking a chance with the likes of Brooke, May, Liza(-Beth), Blue, George, Clark, Carol, Grayson, Glen, Vern, Moore, Morgan, Hasil/Hazel, Hart, Harlan, Hunter, Jameson, Jefferson, Jackson, Pike, Parker, Perry, Belle, Brock, Buck, Rich, Liberty, Chester, Clay, Mack, Winn, Marty, Maddie, Lynn, Raven, Albany, Marianne, Summer, Lewis & Faye(tte)...