I'm 44. I don't run in a world where everyone is 22 and "surrounded by cute guys", whatever the fuck that means. I effortlessly and unknowingly pass for straight all the time, but I know even I trip some people's gaydar. I loathe the term "straight acting" because I'm not straight and this is not an act, but I am undoubtedly a straight-appearing gay man. I've run into gay coworkers at gay bars and seen their jaws hit the floor when they realize I'm gay. Make of that what you will, I don't care.

I freelance and work partly in corporate environments but also in some very liberal/production-oriented environments. I cross paths with a wide range of people from all classes and walks of life. Here's my list of gay male "tells" for men who aren't overtly gay but aren't in deep denial, either.

First and foremost, he checks out guys and ignores women. This is easy and has already been stated, but you'd be shocked at how obvious a guy can be if you really watch him when a good-looking male crosses his sight line, versus when a good-looking female does. Even when a guy is trying to be discreet, this is often a dead give-away. I know I'm guilty of it myself, but I'm fully out so I don't care, although I never leer or act obvious, that's just rude.

Similarly, they are friendlier to men and try to act "chummier". Dealings with females will be polite and perfunctory, interactions with males will be warmer and more personal. This isn't necessarily a sexual thing; gay men in general prefer the company of men and instinctively relate to them better. Unlike their hetero counterparts, they have little need to charm women. Straight men are conditioned to flatter and act chivalrous towards women. Gay men alternately treat them as equals or ignore them. Outside of some friendships, work relationships and family, we have no need for women. Sorry, ladies.

Gay men understand and express more cultural references. I'm not talking about quoting musicals or name-dropping opera singers, but gay men generally absorb more culture, including pop culture, and will make references to films and music that most people get but wouldn't come up with on their own. We're culturally savvy and adept at interpreting culture for others. This is just the same old stereotype about us, but it's true and even present among our most straight-appearing sisters.

Similarly, gay men are very observant. They'll remember details others forgot or never noticed in the first place. I think this attribute is honed from years of sizing up others (gay or straight? Friend or foe?), amassing knowledge that will allow us to pass ("Didja see the big game last night?") and just generally trying to blend in. We're always looking for signs, signals and details where straight people just breeze forward and don't care. It's their world, we're just stuck in it, so we're constantly looking, listening and searching for signals.

We do tend to dress better and take more care grooming ourselves. Even a gay guy trying desperately to look straight will just be a little *too* put together; a belt clearly accessorized with a particular pair of shoes; a baseball cap angled just so; socks that aren't solid black or solid white. Never-ever grown-out hair (indicating a rigid hair cutting schedule), immaculate nails, precisely trimmed facial hair and a tan in the winter are also obvious signs. Straight guys just don't give a shit about that stuff and straight women don't set their standards that high, anyway.

Most of the gay men I know are more empathic and liberal-minded than their straight counterparts, but this is never ironclad proof. The lines are blurred too much on both ends; straight guys are evolving more while some gays wholly embrace a hardened, conservative outlook. See hipsters vs. log cabinettes.

In fact, hipsters throw all this off. If a guy is bearded, tattooed, wearing plaid and under 30, all bets are off. I can't figure them out at all, they look and act gay but most of them are straight, apparently.

That's what I know as a 44-year old straight-appearing male.