Lets be... Washington DC
William Jenkins 
I’m the bar near K St. full of the ugliest people I’ve ever seen on the face of the planet trying to impress each other with tails of nonprofits, prep school, resumes and senator so and so.
| by Anonymous | reply 106 | March 1, 2021 10:48 PM |
I’m a pair of khakis one of 20,000 that are shipped to DC every day.
| by Anonymous | reply 1 | October 20, 2017 3:33 PM |
I'm Metro's Red Line. I'll turn what should be a 20 minute trip, into an hour and a half ordeal.
| by Anonymous | reply 3 | October 20, 2017 3:34 PM |
I’m the 19-year-old intern dressed like Barbara Bush.
| by Anonymous | reply 4 | October 20, 2017 3:37 PM |
I'm Lindsey Graham's delicate sensibilities, wilting in the humid DC summers, like rotting magnolia blossoms.
| by Anonymous | reply 5 | October 20, 2017 3:40 PM |
I’m ugly Hollywood and I fucking know it
| by Anonymous | reply 6 | October 20, 2017 3:42 PM |
I'm Ben's Chili Bowl. You will wait in an absurdly long line and then nearly lose an arm fighting for a seat all to "enjoy" this famous eatery! Then you will eat your meal that is nothing noteworthy, but you will overpraise the food and put on a brave front to justify why you wasted hours of your life braving this place. You secretly promise never to come here again, til you get that visiting friend that tells you that MUST try Ben's Chili Bowl, they heard Obama loved this place!
| by Anonymous | reply 7 | October 20, 2017 3:44 PM |
I'm the tourist so excited to visit the nation's capital! Isn't taking the metro fun? Me and my DH are plopped down and standing on the escalator as we leave the train. Everyone behind us wants to torture us and slowly kill us. Oh, everyone isn't on vacation and some people are actually trying to get to work and go about their lives? That never occurred to me!
| by Anonymous | reply 8 | October 20, 2017 3:57 PM |
I'm the snotty, self important pencil pusher seething with rage at the tourists on the metro, unaware that those tourists bring seven billion dollars a year to DC.
| by Anonymous | reply 9 | October 20, 2017 4:02 PM |
I'm the men's room at Union Station, the one right near the gates. I haven't changed much.
| by Anonymous | reply 10 | October 20, 2017 4:03 PM |
I’m an A list gay that would be considered F list anywhere else.
| by Anonymous | reply 11 | October 20, 2017 4:07 PM |
That's nice r9. And those tourists need to realize that metro procedure is you walk left, stand right. It really isn't complicated.
| by Anonymous | reply 12 | October 20, 2017 4:07 PM |
I'm one of the elite, powerful Old Guard. Invite Trumps to one of our soirees? As if.
| by Anonymous | reply 13 | October 20, 2017 4:08 PM |
R12 is an easily triggered metro rider who doesn't realize riders can stand/sit/walk wherever they want. It's not that complicated.
| by Anonymous | reply 14 | October 20, 2017 4:10 PM |
I'm an introduction in DC. During this dick measuring contest we will manage to drop what universities we went to, our profession, and how we are only one or two degrees removed from this important political figure. We must quickly establish dominance of who is more impressive.
| by Anonymous | reply 15 | October 20, 2017 4:16 PM |
I'm every conversation: "How high a position in government do you have?"
| by Anonymous | reply 16 | October 20, 2017 4:18 PM |
I'm a livid resident of the Kalorama neighborhood. My property values are circling the drain because of those trashy Kushner people who moved here.
| by Anonymous | reply 17 | October 20, 2017 4:25 PM |
I'm a sports bar during a local game. However, everyone is from somewhere else and the local sports teams all suck anyway. Everyone here is talking politics, which turns out, is the official sport of DC.
| by Anonymous | reply 18 | October 20, 2017 4:28 PM |
I'm talking through a concert I paid $75 to attend.
| by Anonymous | reply 19 | October 20, 2017 4:31 PM |
I'm one of the deeply unattractive women who live and work here. I'm so glad I live here because if I lived anywhere else, I'd be ashamed to leave my house.
| by Anonymous | reply 20 | October 20, 2017 4:31 PM |
I'm one of the countless gentrified neighborhoods. I have all the charm and character of one of those fake neighborhoods you see on TV commercials for antidepressants.
| by Anonymous | reply 21 | October 20, 2017 4:33 PM |
I'm everyone on this thread; we've never lived there.
| by Anonymous | reply 22 | October 20, 2017 4:34 PM |
^I've lived there and can attest R16 is totally correct. DC is a very career-status-obsessed city.
| by Anonymous | reply 23 | October 20, 2017 4:36 PM |
We are waiting on you to please show us how it is done r22
| by Anonymous | reply 24 | October 20, 2017 4:38 PM |
When people ask what I do for a living I tell them I drive a metro bus, never went to college and dont vote. They stare at me like I have two heads and walk away slowly.
| by Anonymous | reply 25 | October 20, 2017 4:44 PM |
I'm the pizza place behind Town. I'm the best part of most club-goers night.
| by Anonymous | reply 26 | October 20, 2017 4:44 PM |
I don’t give a shit and so I’m proffered status because they think that means I must secretly KNOW something.
| by Anonymous | reply 27 | October 20, 2017 4:44 PM |
I’m the one percent that has sex appeal of course they’re all waiting to get on the bus to go back to New York
| by Anonymous | reply 28 | October 20, 2017 4:46 PM |
I am the mosquito, lured by the growing swamp and undeterred by President 'Agent Orange'.
| by Anonymous | reply 29 | October 20, 2017 4:49 PM |
R20 so true. The women are deformed
| by Anonymous | reply 30 | October 20, 2017 4:50 PM |
I'm the millennial who moved here from flyover land so that I can save the world. I can only afford to live in a group house because i can't even afford an efficiency on my salary. When speaking, I use the word "like" 3 times per sentence.
| by Anonymous | reply 31 | October 20, 2017 4:53 PM |
I'm one of the gentleman dressed in an expensive suit at the Rosslyn Metro station. It's afternoon, and I'm trying to catch the orange line west towards Vienna. The next train is due in 6 minutes, but I'm already standing at the edge of the platform, ready to punch anyone who tries to cut in front of me getting on the already-packed train.
| by Anonymous | reply 32 | October 20, 2017 4:56 PM |
I'm the cheeto-fingered shit-gibbon stinking up the White House with my McDonald's farts.
| by Anonymous | reply 33 | October 20, 2017 4:56 PM |
I’m the 10 fat black women eating Chinese food at 10 AM in the international food court.
| by Anonymous | reply 34 | October 20, 2017 4:59 PM |
I’m the discrete guys on scruff and grindr who wont show their face because their job is so ‘important’ someone might see them. In reality they work in a windowless government office and push papers around all day
| by Anonymous | reply 35 | October 20, 2017 5:02 PM |
I'm the broken down Metro escalator. I always seem to be the steepest one and I always seem to break down in August, along with the air conditioning.
| by Anonymous | reply 36 | October 20, 2017 5:06 PM |
I'm the Smithsonian National Air and Space Museum. People are always so excited to see me but they always look a little disappointed when they leave.
| by Anonymous | reply 37 | October 20, 2017 5:08 PM |
I'm a hot dog, sitting in lukewarm water in one of the hot dog carts that dot the landscape around the museums and national mall. If no one buys me, the vendor takes me home, cleans his ears with me then brings me back and tries to sell me the next day. My levels of harmful bacteria are off the charts but there aren't any health inspectors so, oh well.
| by Anonymous | reply 38 | October 20, 2017 5:13 PM |
I'm a Metrobus window, smeared with so much Afro-sheen, I'm almost opaque.
| by Anonymous | reply 39 | October 20, 2017 5:18 PM |
R22 is right; R16's account of a typical D.C. conversation is off. R16, if you lived here as you said you did, you should be able to come up with much better verisimilitude.
R20 is dead-on - the women here are ugly as sin. What's even worse is that they're often parked with complete hotties. It's a very troubling trend.
Also, I'm the park bench in Lafayette Square near the White House. Not many know this, but in the 1920s, I was a well-known cruising site for the gays in the District.
| by Anonymous | reply 40 | October 20, 2017 5:18 PM |
I’m bear happy hour at town where the hyper masculinity is so fucking retarded it’s like watching a one act play
| by Anonymous | reply 41 | October 20, 2017 5:19 PM |
I'm former Congressman (and Permanent Cockgobbler) Aaron Schock's Downton Abbey-inspired office. I miss him.
| by Anonymous | reply 42 | October 20, 2017 5:23 PM |
On the Fox morning show that crams closet case Steve Chenevey in the middle of a bunch of black people and a white lady who think she’s black.
| by Anonymous | reply 44 | October 20, 2017 5:25 PM |
I'm the ladies dept at Goodwill I'm filled with fancy gowns that have only been worn once because no one wants to be seen twice in the same dress. All the drag queens and cross dressers in DC know that when all the big parties are over they will have their choice of fancy gowns in their size.
| by Anonymous | reply 45 | October 20, 2017 5:35 PM |
I’m the 5’3 El Salvadorean midget In the news again for hiding in bushes and assaulting women in Arlington
| by Anonymous | reply 46 | October 20, 2017 5:37 PM |
I am the rat that lives behind the fanciest restaurant in town. I have personally given birth to thousands of little rats. DC doesn't seem to mind.
| by Anonymous | reply 47 | October 20, 2017 5:43 PM |
I’m a gay guy that looks like a praying mantis that’s worshiped like a god In a city full of ugly gay man. Lance Bass should live here he’d fit right in
| by Anonymous | reply 48 | October 20, 2017 5:50 PM |
[quote]Lance Bass should live here he’d fit right in
Fit in? As if. He doesn't even have a law degree!
Also. I'm law school. Everyone has either already been to me, or is deciding to go back to me to get their law degree.
| by Anonymous | reply 49 | October 20, 2017 5:53 PM |
I'm the Washington Monument, America's hard-on. Bite me, North Korea.
| by Anonymous | reply 50 | October 20, 2017 5:56 PM |
I'm a white girl who won't stop talking about how much she loves being from DC, but then when you ask her which part she's from, she says Bethesda.
| by Anonymous | reply 51 | October 20, 2017 5:59 PM |
R51 Yes and why would you openly admit you were from Bethesda. It’s a bunch of snotty ass white people.
| by Anonymous | reply 53 | October 20, 2017 6:02 PM |
I'm the much overworked toilet in the Presidential bedroom at the White House.
Won't someone please show me a little tender mercy and get me the fuck outta here STAT!
| by Anonymous | reply 54 | October 20, 2017 6:05 PM |
I'm the self-important speeding drivers mowing down pedestrians in crosswalks. I'm more important than they are so if I hit a couple, no big loss. Right?
| by Anonymous | reply 55 | October 20, 2017 6:05 PM |
I"m the extra day the mail takes to go through the post-anthrax security. I'm the bored NSA worker assigned to review every letter with "bomb" in the text.
| by Anonymous | reply 56 | October 20, 2017 6:09 PM |
There are a ton of hot gays in D.C. Not sure when you were here last, R48.
| by Anonymous | reply 57 | October 20, 2017 6:47 PM |
Let's be honest r57.
A DC 8 is a NY 7 and a LA 6.
| by Anonymous | reply 58 | October 20, 2017 6:50 PM |
R57 = blood sucking leech pencil pusher at HRC.
Yea, you and all of your ribbon clerk friends are absolutely gorgeous, doll. Now finish that Power Point presentation ASAP.
| by Anonymous | reply 59 | October 20, 2017 6:52 PM |
Um, not quite, cunt at R59. You sound poor and ugly.
| by Anonymous | reply 60 | October 20, 2017 7:09 PM |
[quote] I’m the bar near K St. full of the ugliest people I’ve ever seen on the face of the planet trying to impress each other with tails of nonprofits...
If they're ugly, of course they offer their tail free of charge.
Which bar has the for-profit tails?
| by Anonymous | reply 61 | October 20, 2017 7:20 PM |
[quote]DC is a very career-status-obsessed city.
There are essentially no white people in DC who didn't graduate from college.
Offsite Link| by Anonymous | reply 62 | October 20, 2017 7:25 PM |
I've noticed a huge increase in hot guys in DC since the crush of Millennials came to town.
| by Anonymous | reply 63 | October 20, 2017 7:53 PM |
"You sound poor and ugly"
And you sound like the entitled, pressed jackass you really are.
| by Anonymous | reply 64 | October 20, 2017 7:54 PM |
I'm the Obelisk, with my slightly Golden-Girls inspired interior and delightful cheese course and sorbets.
| by Anonymous | reply 65 | October 20, 2017 8:18 PM |
Datalounge meetup @ cava on cap hill tonight
| by Anonymous | reply 66 | October 20, 2017 10:10 PM |
"Did the president call?"
| by Anonymous | reply 67 | October 20, 2017 10:17 PM |
We are the pay day loan advance company, helping spooked White House staffers afford their defense attorneys.
| by Anonymous | reply 68 | October 20, 2017 10:41 PM |
I'm the men's room of the the now-defunct Timberlake's
| by Anonymous | reply 69 | October 20, 2017 11:40 PM |
I'm the potential suicide mesmerized by the DuPont Circle subway escalator
| by Anonymous | reply 70 | October 20, 2017 11:52 PM |
I am the metro train conductor, I purposely use the most intense ebonics when announcing the station stops to confuse the white tourists
| by Anonymous | reply 71 | October 21, 2017 12:05 AM |
I am the Crew Club enough said .....
| by Anonymous | reply 72 | October 21, 2017 12:08 AM |
I'm the statement necklace of every D.C. resident where instead of faux pearls or semi-precious stones, the worker bees wear their metro cards and government IDs from the hideous polyester lanyards they got from that conference they attended last week.
| by Anonymous | reply 73 | October 21, 2017 12:13 AM |
I am the long forgotten fallout shelters that are suddenly being restocked with supplies . I am the new "disaster recovery/business continuity" plans being put in place by all major employers in the district.
| by Anonymous | reply 74 | October 21, 2017 12:26 AM |
I am the pervasive racism in the district. I am white on black and black on white . I am gaining momentum over the last 8 months
| by Anonymous | reply 75 | October 21, 2017 1:15 AM |
I'm the ghetto kid in the orange line train (new carrolton to vienna direction) waiting to switch to the ghetto green line at l'enfant plaza. Meanwhile, I put my feet on the seat and blast my rap music and dump trash all over like the rest of my people. Then we all rush out at l'enfant plaza station.
| by Anonymous | reply 76 | October 21, 2017 1:39 AM |
I am HIV ! I love it here !!!!
| by Anonymous | reply 77 | October 21, 2017 1:50 AM |
I am the Macy's downtown , no Caucasians are allowed to work here
| by Anonymous | reply 78 | October 21, 2017 2:18 AM |
Is it true that DC has more black people than white people?
| by Anonymous | reply 79 | October 21, 2017 3:15 AM |
I am the Glorious "Health" Club, my floors are a petri dish
| by Anonymous | reply 80 | October 21, 2017 5:12 AM |
Im the 70 bus where every night is a front row seat to this ghetto fab city
| by Anonymous | reply 81 | October 21, 2017 10:54 AM |
I'm the young black kid on metro intrusively rapping at high volume.
| by Anonymous | reply 83 | October 21, 2017 1:04 PM |
I'm the feral animals roaming the streets, making life unpleasant and sometimes dangerous for civilized people.
| by Anonymous | reply 84 | October 21, 2017 1:07 PM |
[quote]Is it true that DC has more black people than white people?
It did, now it is about even. And this thread can definitely be described as life in the white part of DC.
| by Anonymous | reply 85 | October 21, 2017 1:09 PM |
I grew up in DC and as a kid knew I would leave the minute I could. I do recall what I thought, at the time, was very bizarre. When I arrived in LA, it seemed to be a bigger deal in LA than DC that I had a degree. I didn't know what the big deal was bc everyone in DC had a degree. Out here in LA, while many do have degrees, it's not uncommon to find working professionals without. Reading these comments made me remember that. Thanks DL!
| by Anonymous | reply 86 | October 21, 2017 1:30 PM |
I'm the African cab driver with a Ph.D. degree, and I can talk to you on a high level about economics and politics.
| by Anonymous | reply 87 | October 21, 2017 1:33 PM |
I’m a group of smug, self important DC Queens. We’re arrogant and cold, with our pack mentality. We trek to Rehoboth Beach, Delaware was every season summer. We lay on the sands of Poodle Beach, and we believe we’re the hottest, most handsome men there. Of course, we’re really 40 plus aging queens, with our tanned skin wrinkling and sagging in the hot suns, with our guts spilling over our too tight, fluorescent speedos.
| by Anonymous | reply 88 | October 21, 2017 1:34 PM |
Note to R57: please see R88.
| by Anonymous | reply 89 | October 21, 2017 4:26 PM |
Yeah LA is not a very educated or intellectual city r86. Makes sense given one of their big industries is the entertainment industry.
| by Anonymous | reply 90 | October 21, 2017 4:47 PM |
Yeah Rehobeth beach is full of the biggest fucking queens I’ve ever seen all of them nasty and unfriendly. Just take the ferry over to Cape May not only is it prettier but the guys are about 5000 times hotter
| by Anonymous | reply 91 | October 21, 2017 5:45 PM |
Has anyone ever seen the movie grease LOL? Well Eugene is DC. Enough said.
| by Anonymous | reply 92 | October 21, 2017 5:46 PM |
Have you ever browsed to YouTube and typed in ..’ I’m moving to DC’ . Biggest bunch of nerds dorks geeks dweebs introverts politicos I’ve ever seen plus everyone is butt fucking ugly. You’re not gonna change the world you 22-year-old but fucking ugly idealist fat bitch. The only thing you’re going to get is another but ugly guy who talks nonstop about how much money he makes.
| by Anonymous | reply 93 | October 21, 2017 5:49 PM |
R88 you nailed it , you forgot about the house in West Virginia in the mountains, and the exchange of money that goes to escorts
| by Anonymous | reply 94 | October 21, 2017 9:16 PM |
And some of the ugliest women in the country. I was shocked to find out some of these bull dykes were actually married to men. It's the land of LL Bean and Lands End.
| by Anonymous | reply 95 | October 22, 2017 8:13 AM |
I am the National Zoo. I am full of snakes, vipers, other disgusting reptiles, great apes, insects and the most vicious and predatory mammals on earth.
I am where I belong.
| by Anonymous | reply 96 | October 22, 2017 9:54 AM |
I'm the portion of DC that is below the Anacostia river. Everyone pretends like I don't exist and I am not a part of this city. Longtime residents of NW will have never stepped foot here.
| by Anonymous | reply 97 | October 22, 2017 11:09 PM |
I am one of the many middle aged upperclass functional meth addicts in DC , There are 16 bareback parties in DC this week according to Bareback RT , I am hosting one and will make "guest" appearances at some of the others as long as there are no black or fat men there. I will use my company card to pay for the hotel room and the escort I plan to hire. No body questions me , the guy that does the expense report for HR attends the parties with me. I am a VP at major company , no one questions me when I leave for hours at a time on a weekday. My wife has no clue as long as her credit cards are paid and she gets a new Benz every two years.
| by Anonymous | reply 98 | October 22, 2017 11:19 PM |
I'm a neighbor of Ivanka and Jared, throwing on a fur to enjoy my glass of wine on the front steps while I bask in their well-deserved comeuppance at the hand of noisy gay-rights protesters .
Offsite Link| by Anonymous | reply 99 | October 22, 2017 11:21 PM |
R99 it is not cold enough in DC to wear a fur yet
| by Anonymous | reply 100 | October 22, 2017 11:24 PM |
I'm the gay adult entertainment district that was demolished in order to build the baseball stadium. There is still a nacreous layer of permacum on Half Street SE.
| by Anonymous | reply 102 | October 23, 2017 3:06 AM |
I'm the numerous potholes fucking up your car tires.
| by Anonymous | reply 103 | October 23, 2017 7:01 AM |
I'm the train that goes direct from DC to the Greenbrier.
| by Anonymous | reply 104 | October 23, 2017 9:30 AM |
On the autism spectrum convention going on right now. Oops no I’m just Washington DC on an average day.
| by Anonymous | reply 105 | October 23, 2017 2:57 PM |
