Well, it's either beyond the apps or else my experiences are hyperlocal to DC, where I guess every gay man is on Grindr and Scruff and conditioned by them—but in my experience, it's gay men and not just the people who are using apps in realtime. I've lived in the city for 15 years, having moved here from Northern Virginia, where I grew up. I have two good friends in the Virginia suburbs who are gay men—a couple with a child who I've been close with since I was 20—and a close acquaintance/borderline friend whom I've known since about age 23, and who just moved to the Maryland suburbs but lived in the city for years.

I met all three friends online. The couple in VA and I met on gay.com chat when dinosaurs roamed the Earth, and I met the other guy on AOL chat. I think we may have all met with sex on our minds but we became friends instead.

Since having moved into DC at age 30, I have met hundreds of gay guys. I've met many via Grindr, Scruff and (years ago) Manhunt, for all sorts of reasons, and I've met many through work. The gay population in DC is very high, and particularly in the sector I work in.

Through both work and through apps/websites, I have not made a single male gay friend despite all the people I've met. My experience—only mine; I know many of you have had different life experiences—is that gay men now *ONLY* look at gay men in the way of an opportunistic predator, a consumer and a social climber. They seem to go through these questions as they size one another up: Are you hot enough to be seen with? Are you hot enough to photograph myself with and post to social media so to up my perceived market value? Will we fuck? Who do you know? Where do you work? How much money do you have? What is your job title and income?

And that's it. I have had all manner of conversations with other gay men for FIFTEEN YEARS in this city, and that order of elimination seems universal. I don't have a single friend I've met since having moved here. I have a lot of other friends, including gay women, straight women and men. No gay guys. After all these years, yes, I am always on guard when meeting a gay man for the first time because of this constant rejection/incompatibility, but I've really tried to find ways to connect, especially with coworkers who I spend at least eight hours a day with, but it has never happened.

Is there a word for the opposite of a prejudice?

Prejudice is bigotry based on assumptions people make about others before they know them personally.

I now feel bigotry toward gay men based on consistent negative experiences after decades of trying to get to know them personally. I now feel like many, maybe most, gay men are kind of hollow shells who look human but choose to turn off their human-connection chips in favor of being fuck machines. It's unnerving to me.